aryssa90's Diaryland Diary

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I had a phone interview for a substitute teaching position that I think I fucked up. I was kind of taken aback and totally unprepared because I spent from Monday-Thursday in the hospital with Bill. The interview was on Tuesday at like 2:00pm and I almost never answer unknown callers but, I thought it may have been a doctor so I answered. And I didn't want to tell her no, I was not prepared for a 15-20 minute interview via phone because I was fucking exhausted from not sleeping for two days because my husband was in the hospital so...that's how that happened.

Some of the questions were so fucking stupid. New ambition in life: work in the HR department at a school district to rewrite their interview questions to ensure the youth of California have adequate substitutes.

And how about having a teacher at least sit in on the interview, phone or no? The woman didn't even know what trauma informed care was.

And I'm sorry, "What teaching methods do you employ?". I have no teaching experience other than clinical so, nothing I say is going to translate to an educator's POV. You don't even need teaching experience or an education degree to be a sub so why isn't this question phrased differently?

Anyway.

Bill was in the hospital. At about 2:00am he fell down our stairs. All 13 of them. He may have been half asleep. He may have had an overload of C02 in his system from his CPAP not working thus making him confused (it was probably this one). Nothing is broken but is oxygen levels kept dipping dangerously low and he had some pneumonia-like but not pneumonia infection so, he was there from 3:30am Monday morning to about 3:00pm Thursday. He slept for like 2.5 days. The doctor said he had a concussion but like...aren't you not supposed to sleep then? Whatever. I hated this doctor. He's the one I fired last time. Fuck you Dr. Lanot, you egotistical prick.

I did get to be snotty with him this time since I was sleep deprived and prepared for his condescending attitude. Don't fuck with me when I'm tired.

I miss Illinois a bit. Not the state itself but more like the state of being. I miss having a purpose and making money. Purposeful money. I miss the reputation I was building for myself and hate the idea of having to start that all over again. It's exhausting.

And my aunt it right, I'm not necessarily ready to go back to work. But I need money. She has somehow lucked into a job making $107,000 a year without having a college degree. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I can't even get a second interview for a sub position. Am I jealous? Just a lot.

And no, I'm not ready. Not necessarily because I want to be lazy (part of it) but because Bill might have cancer again. He has a mass in his lungs that we have to get biopsied. I want to deal with that. And last time I held down a full time job while he had caner I ended up almost getting fired so, it's obviously not a great combo for me.

Also, I need money. Living off Bill's social security is all well and good for now but, it doesn't stretch very far out here and I mean, I want to get shit paid off, not make it month to month.

Anywho.

I haven't had sex in over a year. It's by choice at this point, I've had plenty of opportunity. My sex drive has pretty much vanished in the wake of this potential cancerous lung mass news. So, we'll work on that sometime in the near future I'm sure.

And that's my life now basically.

10:27 p.m. - 2017-11-18

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