aryssa90's Diaryland Diary

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I’m feeling pretty good today. I’ve been isolating a lot to be honest but I think it’s been needed.

I’ve mostly stuck to low carb and it’s working. I feel different and I’m starting to look different. Small changes but I’m glad to notice them. Just got to keep this momentum going.

I put my notice in at work. I was so anxious but it worked out just fine. She is probably glad to see me go which stings a bit. I know my value though and I know it wasn’t me.

Classes, while boring, are going well. I have a feeling the next 9 weeks are going to just fly by.

I have to get drug tested tomorrow which is annoying. It’s not like I smoke pot very often (twice in the last year) but there’s an oppositional part of me that is annoyed I can’t do it If I want to.

It still hasn’t really hit me that my uncle is gone. I think we’re out of bargaining and back to denial. I almost asked my grandma if he could figure out a computer thing and when I went to type it realized that no, he can’t. But I didn’t have a breakdown about it, just a kind of lingering sad feeling.

My house is clean. It’s a little messy now but in 5 minutes it’ll be back to clean. It’s such a relief.

I feel like I’m at a really pivotal point in my life.

Tim and I are doing great. I’m pulling out of my funk and seeing how great we’re doing. I’m starting to see an actual future with him which is exciting and terrifying to be honest. It also makes me vulnerable which like, I’m not great at being because I’m afraid of getting hurt. But things are good.

Bill and I are arguing less. We were talking about him going to Iowa to stay with his sister for a few weeks which I was SUPER excited about but then the covid cases increased again and I just don’t feel safe with him going. I want space for a little while, I don’t want him to die.

Anyway. Things are the best they’ve been in awhile.

8:47 p.m. - 2020-07-15

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